There is alway so much talk about ‘respect for woman’ but respect for men isn’t as widely focused on. Is this because we see domestic violence as predominately being perpetrated by men as apposed to woman. What are the rates of domestically violent woman? Can we trust the accuracy of the data when you consider a lot of shame and stigma surrounding men who report woman for acts of violence?
How do we raise our children with an understanding of healthy and respectful relationships? Is it by shying away from gender stereotypes all together and let boys cry when they feel the need to as opposed to telling them that ‘big boys don’t cry’.
So why do some woman accept poorly behaved men that have little to no care for them and clearly are just using them around for their own selfish indulgance? For example I can remember reading a text in my fathers phone. It was from a woman who apologized for leaving in the middle of the night. You see his massive wolfhound cross bull mastiff had kicked her out of bed not leaving any room so she left. But she hoped they could catch up again soon? Reading that I thought to myself, ‘I just want to give this lady a hug’. My father is not a very pleasant person at the best of times. He’s angry, has very little in the way of people skills, yes sleeps with his massive smelly dog in the bed and lives like a pig. Surely no woman in their right mind would put up with that? Sadly she is not the only one I have seen throw themselves at him over the years. A divorced father of two who lives in a shed with two dogs, a bad temper and living like a pig. Has she always been like this or does being ‘unlucky in love’ for so many years result in her level of acceptable behavior lowering more and more as time goes on?
I felt it may have been happening to me recently. I so far in 32 years have been fairly unlucky in love. One that I considered to be a benchmark seemingly had let me down and I was left wondering if it was real to begin with. Had I passed my expiration date meaning I had become just like the woman in my fathers phone who, upon reading that text I thought should just give up all together because it’s just sad and surly not worth it.
I don’t mean that in a terrible way, I think we all need to take a little responsibility when it comes to our treatment of others who cross paths with us in this lifetime. I see it everyday, best friends who individually have their hangups and insecurities. Now rather than dealing with that in a healthy way they use the people around themselves as a ‘punching bag’ as such to take out all their own feeling of inadequacy, frustration or what ever it may be. As a friend I have always only ever wanted my friends to be happy in their own lives. It’s ok if you’re a size 6 and I am a 12. It’s ok that you’re taller or whatever it is. I want the best for the people I love. I wish sometimes it went both ways. My heart breaks a little more as I seemingly have nearly lost everyone in my life.
What have I learnt?
I think I’ve got to stop taking it to heart so much. I need to realize that maybe it’s not all about me. That I am not so important that the whole world has a vendetta against me which I can do some times. Just because I say what I think and feel freely doesn’t mean that everyone does the same or is able to. Sometimes although their actions effect my life it’s more about them than it is me. Sometimes it’s easier to push people away or to cause a massive disaster before they do it. Insecurity is a scary feeling and not knowing how to predict an outcome evokes that fight or flight reaction in us. When you think about it for most of us we innately want the same things in life. The human mind will construct so many individual scenarios, coping mechanisms, reasons and excuses it’s incredible. They say ‘The greatest trick the devil ever pulled off was convincing the world he didn’t exist’ well I think the unconscious human mind might be that devil? It’s sure is pretty smart and gets us into a whole range of situations that even we can’t explain to ourselves let alone the ones we love.
In saying and in knowing all of that, it doesn’t make it any less heartbreaking. After the first time we ended I was shattered. This time I know there wasn’t enough time to make the same mistakes but for me the writing was on the wall. There are no words for how this feels. It’s unbearable almost but I know I must keep going so I will. You did always give me the confidence to stand up for myself because you always made me feel like I was worth something.
I love you and thank you!!
Please don’t worry about me I know I am strong! I know you love me and ‘I GOT THIS’!
Please promise me you’ll go back to that headspace a few months ago and really look at what’s going on. I know it’s scary but babe, even though have to focus on me at the moment as you are not quite there please know………..
I love you and ‘YOU GOT THIS’.
DIARIES FROM DOMESTIC VIOLENCE 