A friend recently showed me something he wrote. He handed me his phone and said ‘here this is how I see you’. I was suddenly interested as I love an opportunity to learn something about myself.
What I found was something insightful and sweet. The way he describes me is exactly how I see myself at times. Not a false sense of self though. I have always felt like a strong and independent person who although damaged by certain thing is overall a good and honest person. I guess as much as I wish it was different and the damage wasn’t there, realistically it’s true and others can see it. The silver lining is that the perception I have of myself is real and I feel that with each day I become stronger and a little less broken so maybe that is the real truth?
Here is what he wrote;
‘Have you ever found someone that makes it worth getting out of bed for? Someone who makes you feel alive, someone who is kind, caring and thoughtful? I did, but she is so damaged.
When you open up she closes off and she can’t bare to be near you all because some monster did terrible things to her. Things a human should never have to bare. I would love nothing more than to help her and be there for her to fix this damaged soul as she has been so good to me. Better than any woman. She put a roof over my head when I was homeless, she never gave up on me and made me realise I am worth it and I am capable of loving who I am. She gave me the drive to make me want to better myself and move on with my life and I could never thank her enough.
She is independent and doesn’t need a man. She is a mother who needs her child, she is a daughter that never felt loved and was never hugged enough by her mother and father which makes you think that all these things have contributed to her not showing normal emotion.
I know it’s in there but it’s buried so deep down. Can it ever be found and how do you bring back this soul from the depth of hell? So she can understand and process feeling like you should because this woman deserves happiness and to be loved and cared for cause there is so much good in her.
It seems to be the good ones that always get robbed of happiness and get walked on by people who are monsters and don’t take no for an answer. Men that won’t leave. Men that make her uneasy, that beat her down and drug her up. Its not an easy life when you have been through so much trauma and pain. When every man seems to walk all over her.
I hope she finds happiness and gets rid of all them demons that suck the life from her constantly. It’s a long way back but I believe she is capable of coming back from that dark cold place but every now and then you can see it there. Its such a beautiful thing and makes you feel like your in a cloud.
I can’t wait until the day she finds herself again and I hope I am there to see it. It would make me smile and probably cry to see the angel standing in front of me with her boy in her arms. Completely at piece with the demons that haunt her.’
Sent from my iPhone
DIARIES FROM DOMESTIC VIOLENCE 