Sadly I’m pretty adversed to heartbreak and the human condition letting me down. I have little experience though when it comes to people being who they say they are and coming through for me when I need it. Why? Simply because they care.
I realise that I have to get used to people treating me with kindness and respect. But can you blame me for resisting anything human in my life at this point? It’s so much easier to say than to put into practice which is a weird concept to get your head around especially when that is all I have ever wanted. What is that? A safe space to be me around people who don’t want to just gain from me or use me for a brief moment.
A little while ago a friend said to me ‘I think we might have found a life long friendship here’. I think he was right because as I find myself down in the dumps and in need of somewhere to stay again he gives me a big hug in the drive way and says ‘you know you always have a place to stay here for as long as you need’. Wow!
Wouldn’t that be nice had that been the fairytale beginning of the end? The chapter right before that song plays and I’m happy, my son is returned and ever after is in full swing. No f#*%ing way dude this is my life we’re talking about. Just as I feel like it might be a good time for me to breathe, life and the human condition come flying back at me with a vicious snake-like attack. Once again someone else shows me how much they really don’t care.
As an added bonus the daylight hours seem to be now bombarded with phone calls from my recent failure telling me he loves me and will I stick by him. It brings more meaning to my favourite phase ‘I would rather smash my face into the concrete repeatedly than continue this conversation’.
Wow is about the only word that comes to mind at this point. I’m unsure at this point if that means, ‘wow people are messed up’ or ‘wow you seriously still have faith in humans?’. Am I the crazy one or is it them? You know what they say about common denominators and ‘hello’ that would be me in this case.
I so want to find myself in a place where I am writing something even slightly positive! There’s nothing like a permanent resting bitch face to go with these very attractive emotional & physical scars! What a catch I’ve become.
Thank you world and screw you!
DIARIES FROM DOMESTIC VIOLENCE 