I have written about this a few times already. About how this lovely friend of mine told me that turning 33 would be a life changing for me. She told me that decisions would have to be made and that this would be the year my life would change.
This week I realised what that decision was for me. If it all works out then it will be amazing, maybe my version of a happily ever after? It involves me being the bigger person and showing that loyalty is not just a word. Things are not forgiven or forgotten. I’ve always said it’s not what you do it’s what you do about it in the end. A real relationship that lasts is one where you will need to find a lot of forgiveness. Accepting the fact that neither you or your partner are perfect, that at times whether they intentionally meant it, they will let you down and disappoint you. You just have to work out whether they are worth the ups and downs.
My decision involves me taking charge and getting the things we want in the end and keeping them safe until we are all together again. So is making the sacrifices and proving I am what I say the key? Does that mean it will work out?
Only time will tell.
I know I have it in me but does he? How many times do I need to be the one who is putting myself out there first only to be let down? It’s a 50/50 really but my history tells me it’s doomed. Having that in the back of my mind probably doesn’t help and I wonder if it will be the thing that ultimately causes it to fail when it possibly had a chance?
Who knows but I know I’m tired and over the bullshit. I mean what I say and I can’t work out why I seem to be the only one. Am I making the right choice? I don’t know? I’m making the choice which best fits with how I want my future to look like and that’s about the gist of it!
All I have to say is don’t take me for granted because I am not afraid to walk away.
DIARIES FROM DOMESTIC VIOLENCE 