Friday 18th January 2019. I want to remember this date. Why? Because today was a really good day! Today was the first time I consciously acknowledge that my life had turned a corner. Whether it has been happening for a while now and I’m only realising it now or maybe it was a phone call with someone from my past that did it, I’m not sure?
Although I don’t have my son back yet I do have some supportive and loving people in my life which I have been lacking for quite sometime. There’s my gorgeous little roomie whom I spent the morning pottering around the house with and chatting about anything and everything. Two amazing friends at the Gold Coast who always make sure I’m fed and have somewhere to stay, not to mention helping me with my books. I went on a ‘kinda date’ last night with someone who is hilariously funny. It’s hard to tell who’s addicted to ‘making it awkwardly uncomfortable’ more, him or I? But he did take me to see the most amazing $17 rainbow and blushed a lot and called me weird ha ha, it was very nice! Someone told me I need to get used to people being nice to me! I’m pretty sure he is a nice one so that’s a weird feeling for me to experience. Nevertheless this weird chick had fun!
I also have other some other people who have been amazing. I will name them because they are the ones that keep me going & have helped out when I desperately needed them, Clint, Mandy, my amazing godfather Petro, Tracy, Phil, Bull, Brendan, Boz, William, John, Karen, Jarrod, Queenie, Alex and a few others.
Finally and this being the one that made me realise the shift in my life. It was a phone call from someone I’ve known almost my entire life. Someone who was probably supposed to be my best friend and not an enemy. Listening to this person talk I realised we are nearly exactly the same. Almost like we were meant to be twins. This person was also set up and sabotaged by their darling mother their entire life too. Knowing that I’m not alone is an amazing feeling. Also proud that despite our terrible mothers who have set us up and the horrors we have endured, fuck we are strong and a lot of people wouldn’t have made it this far so we should be proud!
Although this process hasn’t always been glamorous it has at least been real. In my upcoming family court trial I can at least rest easy knowing I have no skeletons in my closet. I am supposed to take down a video I made which have photos of my son in it but no I won’t. The video is all real and a depiction of some of the ‘not so nice’ moments over the past few years. If anyone can prove that any of it is untrue or made up by me then I will take it down. Until then no I won’t be swept under the rug because it doesn’t look good or makes you uncomfortable. I lived it, how about you try it sometime and then tell me if you’re angry. ‘I am what I am’ and that is a good person, amazing mother and worth so much more that you think I deserve.
Who are you?
Well I’m referring to you mother! I know you will be reading this. You read them all don’t you? Well I promise you the world will see you for what you are. That is a nasty, manipulative, neglectful control freak who has spent her children’s entire lifetimes setting them up to fail and then publicly humiliating them so you can play the victim of your children. You don’t try at all where were you while I raised myself and younger sister? That’s right making sure the world thinks you’re an angle!! I often wonder who I could have become or what I could have achieved had I not had to endure a miserable existence with you as a mother and that vile emotionless and abusive man I’m supposed to call my father. What makes you think you could raise my son any better? I will tell you that you got one thing right and that was marrying a man who you never loved let’s face it. He was a cash cow for your but the best father I could have asked for.
You do realise he is my son? You don’t even talk to him about me as his mother, just about me as a child. HE IS MY SON and not yours. I will never forgive you for this. I was a good mother and you know it! I learnt from your mistakes already and you will see that in the end you are alone while I am closer than you and I have ever been to my son.
You will be seeing me soon.
DIARIES FROM DOMESTIC VIOLENCE 