This is an email I sent to my family! I’m about done with their ‘turn a blind eye’ approach to this scenario. Can someone be that scary that it’s easier to just not acknowledge what is going on or to not say something?
Well fuck that! I’m about done with this shit to be honest. I want to have them sit down and air their concerns with me face to face. Not one of them bothered for my birthday or Christmas or anything. I want to know everyone’s opinion on certain issues and no longer brush them under the rug.
Here it is:
Well you are all probably aware of the current situation or sad state of affairs our once close and loving family i used to be in.
Actually for all of you that answered ‘yes’ to that comment I’d like to say ‘really because none of you have bothered with me for over 2 years now’. I wasn’t aware that my worth or existence in your life was worth so little? So very little that I could be just forgotten? Something tells me that assuming that was the reason i could be wrong but it wouldn’t be hard to see how I came to that conclusion would it? I am going to guess that challenging or having to see how my own mother could have come to do the things she has done is not something any of you have the guts to speak up about? That is if you are even aware of the entire story. If you thought though I was entirely to be blamed I would probably have received something as small as a call to say ‘hey pull your head in’ or something along those lines so I am going to just go ahead with the latter.
Where am I? What am I doing? I can better answer that in person but I can tell you that due to these issues directly at the beginning of last year I decided to end my life and made that attempt. Had it not been for my roommate decided to come home quickly before work as I was a bit weird I would not be here! I was rushed to hospital where there is usually a 24-48 hour mandatory stay. I was release that afternoon with them agreeing that it was not a case of ‘mental health issues instead my current life circumstances becoming too much for me to deal with’. So as I send this invitation out I want to remind you that it’s not simply because I feel like bitching or causing a stir. The life of my sons mother is at risk here and let me tell you I am in far worse shape today 12 months on than on that day. I want to be here for my son but this has become so much so that I don’t even recognise myself anymore. I struggle to keep a job, to sleep, to function in public and generally just live a normal life.
I guess the bigger question is do I deserve this?
Did my turning back to drugs because I did not know how to handle the relationship I had with Tim, Evan’s father turning violent and controlling? Did that result in such an insult and slap in the face that I deserved to end up in this way? Have I really been so insignificant in all of your lives that no one would acknowledge my existence, my birthday or even something as little as a text as Christmas time?
I am going to ask that maybe we call a family meeting then? I invite my mother, Peter and her legal representation if needed? I am open to the day or time to be altered to suit anyone who wishes to attend but may have prior engagements.
If you don’t wish to attend then can I ask that you reply to this email with the reasons why. It will not be followed up by a response and I will cease contact with you if you wish but it would be interesting to know the reasons why.
Like I said prior to this I am not looking to point fingers and I am also willing to take full responsibility for my actions. I would just like to be here for my son and I am sure you all would all want the same. This is me attempting to prevent a similar situation to last year by my just giving up and not at least reaching out.
I have also been doing some good work which i’d also like to share with you. I may be a mess but I am attempting to put my experiences to good use and make a difference even if its only in a small way.
I am thinking maybe (insert meeting place) at Sandgate on (insert date and time). I have made it a public place so that you can be assured it will not become a scene and close enough to a police station as some have alluded to me becoming agitated to a degree where this may be needed. This is both insulting and not helpful and please can we not kick those while they are down. In any case I will be making the Sandgate Police aware of the event so all can be reassured of safety.
I would like to ask that small children not attend such as my son Evan. As much as I would love to see him I do not think this is a time and space for children as we need to let them be children while they can. Like I said I am happy to renegotiate the time if someone wants to attend but has other arrangements made.
Lots of love
Let’s see what response I get from those who have decided to turn a blind eye up until now.