DIARIES FROM DOMESTIC VIOLENCE

I don’t know about this whole growing up thing some days. I am beginning to see just how much of a destructive disease we are to this planet. Fundamentally we are more evil than good. We are vein and over confident, we view minorities and the vulnerable as less than human, we choose leaders with psychopathic qualities and so many of us believe in a thing called karma! I know what you are going to say but really karma is no more than an excuse for us to us to justify the fact that we believe that the ‘downtrodden’ of society deserve their fate rather than speak up in their defence and risk not being liked by everyone.

I’m unsure if humans are speeding up the process of wiping our species out or if life has always been this way? Good does not always win and bad things happen to really good people all the time.

Sometimes you also get your heart broken and it is absolutely not because you deserve it. Now I make allowances for people and I understand that mistakes happen but sometimes the people we love and would do almost anything for, simply have no respect for themself which in turn means they have none for us. Knowing when to move on or making the decision to expect better for ourselves is all up to us and the level of unhappiness and pain we endure is in our hands.

As I get older and I clock up the damage done by those I have loved, surprisingly I have come to realise that one of the side effects to this damage is a better understanding of myself and I think I like it. Today at 35 I feel so much more comfortable in my own skin than I did at 25. When you consider the fact that the aging process has made a difference to my ‘vein human appearance’, I have endured 3, 650+ more days of damage to my soul and my life has blown up in my face more than once, the end result, who I am today. I really like! I feel like I have found a sense of happiness. A happiness with just being me.

In the past few days I have gone from understanding that our human form, as part of the human condition makes mistakes and his is how we learn. To finding that i’m just not interested in putting in any form of effort anymore when it comes to a certain person. While I still believe he might be the missing part of my soul and he could very easily make this life something incredible, he also had the power to break me if I allowed it! It was up to him to make the decision as to which one he was going to be. The version of himself he would come to be was never going to be a result of anything i’ve ever done. What was within my control was if this person was going to walk beside me in my continued happiness or would he lead me down a path to find myself unhappy? Just as everyone else seems to be?

For me walking away was the decision that was best for me. I am surprised how that coming to that decision was easy. Maybe in the next life we will get it right but for me, I like the path I am on. I am going to take the path less travelled by humans. This fact alone is what makes me one of a kind in this race we call life. I am one of the few who sought after actually being happy.

This one is dedicated to my new friend Mary! Thank you for being one of the few who listens for the answer rather than waits for her turn!

To Tyson….. Good bye!