When it comes to relationships I’m beginning to wonder if the thing going wrong with them has a lot to do why we chose that person in the first place?
They say, “you can’t make a hoe a housewife” and there is a lot of truth to that. I mean does anyone really want to be changed? I know I don’t. When someone has tried in the past I have put up the biggest walls before hightailing it out of there as fast as I can go. The older I get, the shorter the amount of time I am willing to waste on a person and put up with their shit. Most things are intentional in this life whether we want to admit to it or not, just like a person makes a decision to be faithful, so does someone to not. In the past, I have been guilty of forgiving or at least trying to forgive some of the most pathetic acts of plain and simple disrespect. Really all it did was prolong the invertible and take away a little bit more of my self-esteem, that I would have to rebuild later down the track without them anyway.
On the other end, when someone changes themselves in order to be with someone, the outcome is generally the same. For example, some women marry for money, marry for stature, not because that person is right for them. When someone fulfils a need in our lives rather than is right for our lives, there is only so long that person can keep up the act. Before long the crack begin to show and in a lot of cases the person doing the misleading lashes out at having to mould themselves in order to get what they wanted in the first place ie my mother.
I myself though can admit to not being perfect. I began dating my sons father because he had never been to jail. It fulfilled a personal need of mine which came about following a string of shitty ex boyfriends who all shared the one thing in common. I thought by stepping away from that pattern it would lead to success yet found myself in the same position as before. In the end I can say I never loved him although I wouldn’t change it. The fact that my intentions were to serve a personal need might have been a lot of the reason it did not work out. The more I got to know him the more I realised that we didn’t even have a common interest. This being the case I still stayed until he was unfaithful which went against my moral set. Hence the reason I am beginning to thing this might be the answer?
Really we need to stop hurting each other if any of us want to survive. We need to stop thinking so much about ourselves and what we can get from a situation and realise we are just one half, not the whole picture if we want things to work.
Life changes and we don’t know what is going to happening tomorrow, let alone what’s around the corner. I guess finding a person who can adapt with whatever life throws at us is the way to go.
Imagine what life would be like if you went out into the world each day to do whatever it is we do, but know the person we ‘regroup’ with at the end of the day shares the same core beliefs as us? No matter what we hear, we know where they stand? I think it might provide us with solid grounding to begin with but goes a long way to redress any harm that comes our way. And while a single intense experiences of betrayal can wound us, similar experiences of happiness, acceptance, success and security can do the same in giving us the confidence to withstand what life throws at us. For most of us, past bad experiences are not a car crash on the relationship road, but simply a bump on the way.
Until then,
“It’s better to be unhappy alone than unhappy with someone else.”
Marilyn Monroe
DIARIES FROM DOMESTIC VIOLENCE 