This one is dedicated to a very special person. Now this particular person is terrified at the thought of being the ‘victim’ as he calls is of one of these blogs and today he finally falls prey it would seem. I promise it won’t be bad.
So some years ago now I found myself in a room full of young guys who today I love to death. Over the years I have proudly taken the role of ‘scary-god-mother” to many of them. This role has involved whitening shoes and washing clothes. Feeding them and most importantly endless hours of advice on women so that they might have a chance to survive the mysterious creatures.
One in particular what can I say? He is a handful. Very quick witted, smart as hell, painfully honest which I think is one of my favourite things about him. He will always find himself in some sort of trouble as a result of his devilish personality but my absolute, hands down, favourite thing about him is how sweet the other side of him. The one that takes a while to come out but at other times is on his sleeve from the get go. I can say he is probably one of the sweetest people I have ever come to meet in my life so far and I wouldn’t change anything about him. We have spent many nights engrossed in conversations about life and quite often I am taken back by how much of what I say he actually takes onboard.
So when I caught up with him this morning I found myself in two minds, it was part ‘proud mum moment’ and part heartbreaking to see. I came to learn that this very cheeky young man had recently turned the tables on women it would seem. Rather than him falling prey to, as most ‘nice guys’ do, to the painstaking dance where women call all the shots and have them jumping through hoops and later falling into line. It would appear that he had them working for him in a way and more than one it would seem. When I said “wow proud mum moment, how did you manage that”, he responded with “you told me that all women are evil so I stopped being so nice to them”. As I thought back to the long list of soul destroying females that had sunk their teeth into him over the years. Who has preyed upon the beautiful side of him that I appreciate in him so much and then left him for dead and I remembered why I gave him this advice.
As we went for a drive this morning, we sat in silence for most of it and in that moment my heart broke realising how he must be feeling inside. He is so truly beautiful that having to become this in order to survive effects him to the point that his full of life and playful self is reduced to silence and I’ve noticed this the last two times I’ve seen him. While he does a good job to hide it, the fact that he is hurting hurts me. I am so sorry my sweet boy that life is this way. As I write this tears stream down my face and I don’t know what to say to you to make it better. I don’t know how to make it the way you deserve. I hate that we have to become more like them to survive but please know that you at least mean the world to me and that I love you.
For some reason ‘opposites attract’ and you being one of the good ones means you will more than likely find yourself the victim. For now we just need to survive this life and I promise you if I can find a way for it to be different I will let you know. You are definitely one of the first people I want to see have a life with someone you deserve by your side if it’s possible. Until then, you know you always have someone on your side here in me who’s sees who you really are.
And thank you. You have sat with me in a few dark moments when most people run away. You are very much a part of the reason I don’t hate men today.
Love you x
DIARIES FROM DOMESTIC VIOLENCE 