I feel that I’ve learnt in the last few weeks more about people and the way life truly is than ever before. I have learnt that most people are out to get you. Good things happen to bad people and sometimes simply life is unfair and no one really cares. It seems more and more a balance between standing your ground so you don’t get walked over and being kind and open to people existing within your space. When you are alone it’s even more important. I don’t know if anyone even considers the people behind the missing persons posters in the police station? We have been brainwashed into thinking that anything bad that happens within the world is only the stuff crammed into the 6 o’clock news. That’s what they want you to see. In fact the people on the posters are more than likely dead not missing and they didn’t end up on the Channel 10 News simply because they weren’t glamorous enough to make the cut. Or possibly they were not as ‘loved’ as some of our victims who have become breaking news.
The idea of right and wrong, is just that. An idea! It’s rare and brave for a person to simply do as they say and say as they do. Most people simply tell you any amount of bullshit to get what they want from you because at the end of the day, they are too lazy to do it for themselves and they lack the skills to get the things in life they want yet probably don’t deserve. More often than not when you go through this life alone, you become a target for those who prey upon people. Simply there is less chance that anyone would miss you, stand up for you or check on you if something bad was to happen. Most of the time it isn’t personal, it’s a case of predators taking the path of less resistance and simply that means you.
When it comes to raising children I have taken the opinion that sheltering them from trauma and pain. Don’t get me wrong to what level and severity always needs to be age appropriate granted but are we not doing our future humans a disservice by not letting them practice overcoming adversity or at the very least watch how we as adults deal with it. Possibly that’s the key to stopping a lot of domestic violence? We lie a lot to our children. We hide who we actually are from them. Then we wonder why they hate us when it all comes out later in the wash. With the acception of a few I don’t think a lot of violence or game playing would go on had we been willing to do it all out in the open in front of our children. That tells me people know what they are doing is wrong.
Today I am coming to terms with the fact that nothing in life is the way we pretend it is or should be. Everything is a lie. No one wants the girl who is nice despite the fact that they say they do. She sits alone while you all get your fix from the arguments and the fights with the horrible one. I would become one of them but I am not even sure where to start with that one and simply why do I have to stop being nice for this life to not be so cruel?
Finally someone took something from me some time ago. Let’s just say I will be coming for you very soon and no. I do not wish to stop the freight train that is going to be your ‘public outing’. I hope that it’s not a case of false confidence when it comes to who you are as a person at your core. I think the future will be interesting to say the least.
To my son. I love you. More than I have every loved before. I hope that one day you can see things the way they really are. In a way I am grateful you weren’t around while I learn’t a lot of these lessons but I will not lie to you or hide what this world is really about. I will not make the mistakes both of my parents made. In no way shape or form did they do their job. The fact that she thinks she is something she is not blows me away and I promise you I have not given up. It’s hard to be anywhere near you when they all lie through their teeth but you will be able to make it through this, just like I will and we will be together again soon.
Love Mum xxx
DIARIES FROM DOMESTIC VIOLENCE 