Dear Gayle Maree,
Even though I don’t have a reference point other than my grandmother, I do know what it takes to be a good mother. Sometime it’s hard to remember what it’s like to be a mother because he’s been gone for so long. I have come to learn that being a good mother comes from within you and having a poor example does not result in you turning out the same way.
Let me introduce myself. I am Carly. I am a wonderful mother. Life has presented me with a few brick walls and I have stumbled along the way. I am a mother who lost her confidence but has not given up. I am a mother just like you and today would have been your birthday. Your great work reflects in who you left behind and I hope to be as proud as you would be of my son one day. I hope he too is kind, smart, wise, funny, soulful and confident to be himself. I hope he never gives up complete hope in people and that he enjoys as much as he can.
You are loved and so missed. Although we never met I have enjoy learning about who you were and you definitely live on through him. As he goes through this last stage of his journey I want you to know he will be loved, cared for and always in good hands.
This is not however a one sided gesture of kindness because he will do just as much good for me. After a lifetime of poor examples and broken promises he will teach me to love myself and how to let others in. He will show me love the way it is meant to be and help break my cycle. He recently said to me ‘every girl your age needs gay’. The more I think about it and my situation the more it makes sense to me.
I promise to love, honor and treasure your son, through sickness and in health until he departs. I promise to be strong for him when he can’t and to be brave for him so he doesn’t have to. I promise to share so many inappropriate laughs with him and attempt poorly exercised yoga moves in the mountains. All the while him taking the time to be truly at peace and me the time to repair and rest after so much fight.
Thank you for being a wonderful mother and thank you from the mother I will one day be.
Happiest of birthdays and lots of love.
Carly & Evan XoXo
DIARIES FROM DOMESTIC VIOLENCE 