It’s interesting being a person who is a little more attuned to their evolution as it happens. I don’t know any different but I envy the ones who can just ‘be’. Eat, sleep, destroy, repeat.
I’m cursed and seems damned to hell.
Pain is the aim and happiness is just a chemical reaction that tricks us into not hitting the reset button. I don’t know about you but I want to go home.
“When we lose our humanity we no longer see people as human beings,
but as objects to be used and disposed of at will”
Today was the first time I witnessed my humanity fading. Maybe this is one of the first symptoms but I don’t feel bad about it.
The funniest part about this sudden realisation is that someone saw it happening before I did. You might even say called it and in a way sat back giving me the heads up in a way but letting me workout what was happening myself.
“I remember my first time”.
I didn’t know what that meant at the time. Now I do.
Is this the reason I haven’t been able to work you out like all the others? You’ve already done this? Already been where I am?
Can I say then, thank you for letting me work it out for myself. Just so you know I am currently sitting here with a grin on my face, shaking my head. You got me. Seems a tip of the hat to you on this one. I already called the fact that you were slightly smarter than your average and for what it’s worth I think you are worth knowing just because you are you.
I don’t know what’s next but you told me about an envelope today. You said that there were a handful of people who have come into your life that you would so something of that magnitude for. For some reason I feel like you might have become one of those people for me so,
Now I want to give you something, when it comes to three particular people in your life, please know that for as long as I am breathing, I will watch over them. Their names now sit alongside my son’s name on that list of things i’d die for. I promise I will protect them in this life as best I can, at least until I am no more,
and in the end thank you!
This one is to pay my respects to a man so far from human it’s almost unrecognisable. I don’t know when you began to lose your humanity or whether you ever really had it in the first place but while you technically walk among us you are dead to me.
It is not my fault he was to me what you could never could be. You never deserved me anyway. In saying that, may you rest in peace one day. Until that happens, I will fill every moment you have left with unbearable pain. All I have to do is just leave you to be. You already have everything needed in you right now to ensure your suffering never let’s up or ends.
Who am I to take that away from you?
DIARIES FROM DOMESTIC VIOLENCE 