Often when we find ourselves in a never ending cycle of let downs we start to paint everyone with the same brush. Men blame ‘all women’ and vice versa. I know I’ve been guilty of believing there are no decent men left on this planet myself from time to time.
Tonight I realised that it’s anything but and that I’ve just looking in the wrong place it would seem.
It’s not as simple as a good man is born that way, stays a good man and then dies a good man. Sometimes good people do bad things and bad people do good things. Who we are and how we treat others is a decision we all have to make for ourselves as we evolve and no it has nothing to do with how people ‘see us’ despite popular belief. I’m talking about who we are and how we treat the people around us when no one is looking.
So there has been a man in my life since before I was born. For more than 40 years now this person has been my fathers best friend. When I consider how long these two have been causing a ruckus around town for and how polar opposite they are it seems strange to me that the two would connect at all. Now this person has known some of the worst parts that make up the human condition right from his very beginning. He has also been guilty of displaying some of those traits himself in the past. Today he is not the same man and while I have been shielded from most of his bad traits I am still aware of who he really is.
To me he has always been the biggest and strongest man I’ve ever known and been one of those reasons I expect better for myself. I don’t know if its the honesty factor that sets him apart from the rest of my family or whether making some pretty big mistakes himself over the years makes it easier for him to be understanding and non judgemental of me. Whatever the case, I’m glad to have you in my life.
In the space of five minutes I probably felt a lifetimes more love from you than I had from my own father over the past 32 years.
So to my most amazing, beautifully kind and caring yet terrifying godfather this story is in honor of you. You worried so much about me in such a short space of time which is something I’ve been missing in my life and I didn’t realise how much until tonight. You worried if I had train fare, if I was safe, where I was living, who I was living with, if I had food, if I was eating health as I was now on my own, that I was waking the streets at night and so much more. You made me dinner, cups of coffee, kept me warm, and made sure I knew there was always somewhere for me to stay if ever I needed it. For some reason I feel like this is what real family feels like so thank you and I love you.
Lastly, thank you for having my back even when I didn’t know it. It’s not easy to go against the crowd but you did because you cared. I actually appreciate it more than you know.
DIARIES FROM DOMESTIC VIOLENCE 