DIARIES FROM DOMESTIC VIOLENCE

No one falls in love with an abuser. They groom you to love them. They groom you into obedience and control you through intimidation and fear.

In the beginning it’s a normal relationship. You meet a man he is funny and charming. He tells you all the right things .that he will care for you, love you and that you are his world. And he does all of those things and more.  Then once you have given yourself completely to him heart, body and soul it begins.

It starts small, maybe he raises his voice at you for no apparent reason or gets overly angry at nothing. It’s out of character for him and it raises your alarm bells, but then he apologises and seems so sinsere. This is the man that loves you right he’s just stressed at the moment he didn’t mean it so you forgive him and move on.

Then a few days later it happens again, and again, and again each time his temper escalates. The whole time your thinking who Is  this man . Now he’s starting  to frighten you so you walk round on egg shells because you don’t want to say or do anything to upset him. You barely speak unless spoken to. Meanwhile in the back of your head your wondering what happened how did it get like this .maybe it is me, maybe he is right and it is my fault . I’m the one who needs to change.

So you stop going out stop seeing friends and family you want to be home when he is. You make sure his clothes are clean and ready that dinner is on the table that the house is always clean your whole world now revolves around him. Not through love but fear he now controls you and you didn’t even realise you handed that control over on a platter. You just wanted things to go back to normal.

when you finally wake up and realise that this isn’t working and your miserable you try to bring it up or to leave. Wrong move now the monster realises his control on you is slipping. bring on the serious phisical abuse. What do you do now?

by now you have already isolated yourself from family and friends . Who do you turn to for help? If you are lucky enough to still have people around that care it’s the same answer. Just leave him. Hahaha like it’s so simple

he watches you checks your phone your emails. Knows your routine where you would go. Threatens your family and friends he makes life hell. turns the abuse, phisical and mental up a notch till you eventually just give up trying .

So you stay because by now he has destroyed all sense of self worth , trust in people or society and mainly you just don’t care enough about yourself to fight back. You made your bed and now you must lie in it. Some women stay because they believe the man they first met will come back. I’m sorry but we were lied to they were always the monster they just had to trap us first.

That is why we stay because for many of us. it is the easier option or the only choice. There is no real help out there. Police make it worse they can only protect you in that moment. Woman’s refuge is also a short term stay. Do you really think a man like that will put all the effort into grooming then just give up.

women need more help we need to stand up and help each other .

It is and never was our fault.

amyl hitch