Honesty. Just a word it seems.
Why is it that being possibly the most understanding person after the fact, I am also lied to so often and so blatantly. Do I have fuckwit plastered on my forehead?
To you all I have to say is, just as quickly as we fell in love, I fell out of that love with you. I’m the asshole? You paraded me in front of them and laughed at me like I was nothing. I at least waiting till we were over and didn’t rub your face in it. No nastiness on my end, I was honest about my wrongdoings. Instead of honesty I get the following….
You could have done better than me? You lowered your standards to be with me because you thought I was a nice person? You wish you cheated on me now?
Do you know what I have to say? Thank you, good bye and best of luck. You see I don’t need you to be whole. You will see me again one day and on that day you will, if you haven’t already started to regret everything you ever did and from the depths of your soul hate yourself for letting me go.
It’s a shame really because everything you said you wanted I would have done. You are a monster it seems but what makes me even more curious is the fact that it’s not the first time I’ve found such a creature like you. How is it that someone can find the most narcissistic of invertebrate to have walked this earth. Then let them close so they can damage me at my core. How is it you could cause me to even go as far as questioning my gut and whether I’m just so broken these days and can’t tell black from white, up from down?
Although I thought this would be what finally broke me has completely surprised me. I’m actually stronger than ever before.
In the end I will make it. I may be 33 and damaged as hell but it seems what doesn’t kill you really does make you stronger.
To you. Good bye. I won’t forget the times we had and I hope you get it together one day if not for yourself then for your son who deserves something better.
Lots of love
Carly
DIARIES FROM DOMESTIC VIOLENCE 